Facebook Obsession - My Status on the Topic

Believe it or not, my dad was the one who talked me into creating a Facebook account.

"It's this online thing," he told me about two years ago. "You network online with classmates and colleagues who also register with the site. It's free. I think it's going to be really popular."

Move over, Faith Popcorn. Tom O is on your ass.

Joking aside, he was right, Facebook is now huge. My early tinkering has given way to full-blown obsession, and I think I finally understand why.

There is something intriguing about reconnecting with former classmates, love interests, and colleagues. I think it's all about unfinished business. Growing up, I was a bit brainy, and sort of an ugly duckling (I'm okay with it, Mom. Please do not dispute me on this - I have photographic proof). Well, it turns out that brainy is the new sexy (thanks, Tina Fey!). And ugly ducklings don't stay ducklings forever. Suffice it to say, there is something satisfying about wrapping up loose ends.

So what is it about Facebook that urges us to ignore our spouses, drift off in meetings, and ignore the baby as she cries? Narcissism, voyeurism, and revenge, baby.

I'm the first one to admit that a part of Facebook's appeal is purely narcissistic. Where else can one attract so much attention for simply having an unpopular political opinion, or wearing a bikini top to a family picnic? Sometimes we all just want a little acknowledgement and attention from our family and friends. With everyone being so busy these days, phone calls, personal visits, and even emails have sort of fallen by the wayside. The answer to that? Facebook. If you don't believe Facebook is an easy way to grab your loved ones attention, run that bikini top experiment. I guarantee people will be crawling out of the woodwork to comment on you, and your "status." This will be especially true if you are male.

Don't pretend you don't do this, because we all do. In some, voyeurism is just a fun little past-time. In others (ahem) it's a full-blown obsession. In a world that is often based on appearances, we just can't help but "look."

I love to see who got fat, old, or ugly. You know you do, too. This is especially rewarding if the person with the puffy under-eye bags is the girl who stole your senior prom date. Also entertaining is learning that many of the stuck-up cheerleaders can no longer fit into their old uniforms. See where this is going? I thought you did.

The flip side of this, of course, is seeing who is now hot. That ex colleague of yours who got the gastric bypass? Bet you're glad you shared your lunch with him. The little sister of your old college room mate? Guess you should have taken her to Sadie Hawkins when she asked you. Ah, voyeurism. You gotta love it.

This may not apply to everyone, but it certainly applies to me. Facebook is an excellent revenge tool. If you were an ugly duckling, woman scorned, runner-up, reject, divorcee or a fast food employee serving up fries to the rich kids without after-school jobs, I'm talking to you. That is, of course, assuming you've actually moved on and gotten your shit together.

Maybe it's prideful of me (oh well) but I just love to post flattering pictures of my family on Facebook. I have three gorgeous kids, a handsome husband, and a happy life, all in all. I can't help but show it off.

It's not that anyone from my past ever really did me wrong. It's just that I've worked hard. I've overcome setbacks. I've had my share of doubters, naysayers, and downright bitches to contend with over the years. Facebook is a great way to say, "Look at me now, haters. Guess I proved you wrong."

And there is no better "status update" than that.